This page is like a milk bottle full of baby ducks
– it makes a lot of noise, but not a lot of sense…

Batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required.List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to cab approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional list ings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the united states. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on tv. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not affiliated with the american red cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawl. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. This supersedes all previous notices.Objects in Mirror are closer than they appear.

Submitted by Jeff Townsley :This picture has been changed in the following ways: It has been modified to fit your screen and edited for content and to run in the time alotted.

Submitted by Tom Fox Keep out of reach of children. Do not incinerate. (Spelled correctly??) Please put litter in its place. Warranty void if sticker is removed. Failure to comply with rules will result in prosecution. 10% fee on all returned checks. Do not recharge. Do not play with matches. No trespassing. 10% down, $299/month…

Submitted by Joel Abraham: This tag may only be removed by the consumer.

Submitted by Jan Carter: Slow children. Childproof bottle. Sealed for your protection. Do not use if seal is broken. Tuck flap in, do not seal. Do not remove tag under penalty of federal law. No user-serviceable parts inside. Shirt and shoes required. Store (bubble bath) in a dry place. Please stir before serving. Ready to eat. Stop state law. An affirmative action/equal oportunity institution. This page was written on 100% recycled electrons.

Submitted by Ken Townsley: Do not X-Ray. Avoid magnetic fields. Contents Hot! Slippery when wet. Not Responsible for lost or stolen items Warning! Hazardous radiation Class 3 laser. Surgeon General’s warning: Quitting smoking now greatly reduces risks to health. etc. Always wear your seatbelt.

Submitted by: Jeff Shlosberg: I (check one):
am not a lawyer.
am a lawyer but the accompanying should not be construed as legal advice.
Any opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, my family members, or other mammalian beings. Not Reg. Penna. Dept. Agr. [don’t know that this means- Matt]

Submitted by: Bruce J. Pfeffer: On a milk carton: In New Jersey: Not to be sold after the date stamped. In New York: Not to be sold after midnight on the date stamped.

Submitted by Elaine Miller: You must bring claim check and entry form with you. The devil made me do it.

Submitted by: Joshua Ben-Gideon: Cab driver approval is required for fares to either Newark International Airport or JFK International Airport. Full fare must be paid in addition to roundtrip bridge and tunnel fares.

Submitted by: Angi : Now available without a prescription! This side up. One- and two- sided copying, standard weight (20 lb.). CAUTION: CONTAINS HOT OIL & STEAM. Alternate toy available for children under 3.

Submitted by: Jeff Miller : Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Close cover before striking. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Write account number on check. Professional driver on closed track. Read prospectus carefully before investing or sending money. Do not warehouse glass on top of plastic. Stack no more than 4 high. Handle with care.

Submitted by Fred Holliss : WARNING: Contents may be hot after heating.

Submitted by Lee Winer – http://uahc.org/mi/cst/ : Your call is very important to us. How’s my driving? If you cannot read these instructions, please notify a flight attendant. Please use a clean plate. Imperfections in the fabric are to be considered normal. Children may be killed. Professionally Dry Clean (Do you know any amateur dry cleaners?). Bic Lighter: Warning! Flammable

Submitted by [email protected]: Bridge freezes before roadway. This list is not exhaustive. Under construction

Submitted by Jack O’Gorman: On a 24 pack of Sierra Mist: Caution: Cut Coupon Only When Carton is Empty – Duh!

Submitted by Anonymous: Warning! contents under pressure. Your mileage may vary.

Submitted by Marnanel: Reg.Penna.Dept.Agr. = Registered with the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture. See http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_343.html .

Submitted by Jack O’Gorman: This email may contain material that is confidential, privileged and/or attorney work product for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any review, reliance or distribution by others or forwarding without express permission is strictly prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender and delete all copies.

Submitted by Jack O’Gorman:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all…and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make [insert country or area of choose] great (not to imply that [country or area of choice] is necessarily greater than any other country or area of choice, and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wisher.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. “Holiday” is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual, or belief (or lack thereof).

Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wisher her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. This greeting is void where prohibited by law.

Submitted by Anonymous
These comments have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Payment is expected at time of service. Not to be construed as an offer to sell or solicitation of an offer to buy.
Submitted by Tom Hall
Warning! Contents are extremely hot! (on coffee cups…of course this needed to be done after that dumb woman won that lawsuit vs. McDonald’s)
Submitted by Steve McLarty-Schroeder
First come, first serve