Macworld 1996 Holiday sing-along songbook

© David Pogue, as appearing in the December 1996 Issue of Macworld

Microsoft (to the tune of Jingle Bells)


Nine-tenths of a gig, Biggest ever seen,

God, this program's big - MS Word 15!
Comes on ten CD's, and requires - Damn!
Word is fine, but jeez, 60 megs of RAM?!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft, bloatware all the way!
I've sat here installing Word since breakfast yesterday!
Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft, moderation, please.
Guess you hadn't noticed: Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!


Happily Addicted to the Web
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, i'm not list'nin,
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin,
I'm happy - although
My boss let me go-
Happily addicted to the Web

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me, saying "Yo, man!"
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listsless shrug, I mutter, "No Man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday, they drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!